MORALITY: AN AMBIGUITY!!

I have to admit that the following post has been inspired by some one Else's writing. Who actually had been inspired by my own writing. Or so I would like to believe. Nevertheless-now that we have the formalities out of the way...lets begin!!

Perhaps no where else has the term morality been provoking so many debates as it has in our country. Yes-it's mostly a youth centric debate for the older generation still continues to believe in the age old traditions and their arguments are often met a with a response of 'generation gap' by us. Yet what you cannot ignore is when people of your very own age group defines morality in a diametrically opposite sense to yours, then it stirs up a hornet's nest and a never ending debate rages on.

I have a feeling I know who is going to win in this debate. In almost every generation, the modernists have come out triumphs. Yes-the traditionalists might have put up brave resistance but that resistance has mostly been futile and with each generation what we have is that the definition of morality gets more and more ambiguous. You can spin your own take on morality and give it as your definition and we won't be able to prove if it is right or wrong.

Let's face it-the debate 25 years ago was whether it was alright to have a love marriage, to go against the norms of that time and fall in love with a boy before marriage but today that debate, though still existent in the rural parts of the country, has almost ended and a new set of ethics are being debated on. Today the question isn't if you can have a relationship before marriage but whether you can indulge in pre marital sex. Here I will have to say that this debate is mostly dominant in the urban youth of India or to make it more specific-the upper middle class urban youth. The rich and elite clearly don't believe in making a fuss about sex anymore or else Salman Khan wouldn't be single at the age of 44 despite Aishwariya Rai's claims that kissing before marriage is not allowed in our customs. Customs has almost become a funny word these days.

The middle class is still grappling with the issues of mini skirts and spaghetti tops but its the upper middle class India-that great and privileged stoica of humdingers that I belong to, whose sense of morality has got confounded in the influence of the west and our own traditional values. You can't exactly blame them. If your parents were to narrate you about how they met each other the first time while going to college in a BEST bus and eventually went on to fall in love and defy their grandparents for a love marriage then you are bound to think along the same lines as well-'25 years go my parents did what they thought was right. Today how can they deny me from making that same judgement? Who are they to deny me from sleeping with the person I love. 25 years ago love marriage was taboo and my parents went ahead with it because they thought there was nothing wrong with it. But now they are stifling me with their own set of traditions and rules. They have no right to make such a judgement.' You can understand where the confusion stems from. So probably in about another 25 years, pre marital sex and live in relationships will not be taboo or looked down in our society anymore yet as per the norms we'll be embroiled in another raging debate about some other morality or ethical issue regarding the society.

The argument though here is an altogether different one. I have for sometime now held the belief that the issue is no longer about who is right or who is wrong. I believe that every person has a set of moral values, a set of things they believe in as they seem fit and it doesn't make me any more right or wrong than say some other person whose set of moral values are different from mine. Morals pertaining to society of course. Criminal offences do not come under these set of moral values. You can accuse me of taking the easier way out, of lacking a backbone but then I never said I don't have convictions. I am just saying that my convictions don't necessarily make me a higher or more open minded or close minded person than someone whose convictions are different from mine.

Yet there are people who continue to believe that their own set of moral codes are right and anything opposing it makes them certain to burn in the fires of hell. Or to put it in a little more milder term-who believe that any view opposing theirs is wrong. These are the people who are convinced that pre marital sex is wrong and that live in relationship is nothing but the devils home where morals have long gone for a toss. Probably all true but then my simple question is-have they looked at themselves? The upper middle class youth who talk about sex being sacred and saving it for marriage often talk about the great traditions and customs of our country as their natural defense. For example lets say a group of friends are sitting in a disc and an argument starts up on pre marital sex between them. A girl in the group insists that it is wrong for it goes against the traditions of our forefathers. Do you see the irony here? If you don't then let me point it out to you-this girl is sitting in a disc, dancing herself to glory with the boys, probably had one shot of tequila and is talking about the traditions of her forefathers. If the irony was to be complete then she would probably be sitting in a mini skirt and sleeveless top to boot. Now don't call me a sexist but this is exactly what happens.

But then people would argue that there's nothing wrong with wearing a mini-skirt or sleeveless tops anymore. Or if she isn't dressed in a mini skirt then she must be wearing tees and jeans and surely there's nothing wrong with wearing tees and jeans. I of course completely agree. I never said there's anything wrong with girls dressed in mini skirts or spaghetti tops or hot pants. Heck-I don't mind if you wear a bikini. Dress as you please. If you are comfortable in a salwar kameez-please do so. It its mini skirts that you like then its your choice. I have nothing to do with it and I am no one to stop you or pass judgement on you for it.

The issue though persists. What I was simply pointing out was that the part of the youth that talks about pre marital sex and live in relationships being taboo does dress up in mini skirts or provocative clothing if that's how you want to define it(only girls of course), make out with their boy friends/girlfriends, dance with the opposite sex at parties where they often drink together and fight the Shiv Sena for their stand on Valentine's Day. All the above mentioned things have at some point or the other been against our moral codes and definitely against the great custom and traditions of India. If you really believe that pre marital sex is against your traditions then you must be aware that so is kissing your lover or for that matter wearing mini skirts. Heck-once upon a time even love marriages were against our tradition. If you believe that those
issues are no longer withstanding and there's nothing wrong with them-then who are you to tell that live in relationships goes against the very seed on which the values of our country is based on. I guess people who live in glass houses should not throw stones eh?

So what makes issues that were wrong yesterday, right today? I'll tell you what. Parents. 25 years ago our parents were fighting their parents to be able to go to parties and wear tees and jeans and convince them that one can't marry without being in love. Today that very youth of India has now become the older generation and hence they see nothing wrong with the issues that they were fighting for themselves. 25 years hence the cycle will repeat. As we become the older generation of the country, we won't see anything wrong with our children living with their boyfriends or girlfriends before marriage and probably having a child out of wedlock as well. Its a vicious cycle and one that will never stop.

I know I will probably get a lot of brickbats for this. But the issue exists and you can't deny it. Everyone has their own definition of the great Indian tradition today and manipulates it as they deem fit. Rakhi Sawant claims on a news channel that she being an Indian woman can be kissed on the cheek by any random man but not on the lips. Which is very commonplace of course. But what I want to ask is-which rule book says that it's alright to kiss an Indian woman on her cheeks but not on her lips? Which rulebook says that a girl can dress in tees and jeans but you can't in mini skirts? Or for that matter dress up in a mini skirt but not swim in a bikini? Which rule book says that a girl can make out with her boyfriend all she wants but she should not sleep with him before marriage for it goes against our "great Indian tradition?" We have been setting and breaking our own moral codes for ages now. So much so that I no longer believe in things that are right or wrong when it comes to traditional values. There are simply things that you believe in and you don't. Don't try defending your feeble moral stand on the basis of Indian culture or religious values. For if you do, then you have lost that debate even before it has begun. People will simply tear you apart. As I said, there are just things that you believe in and things you don't believe in. Indian culture had gone to the dogs a long time ago. The dogs being us of course!!

PEOPLE LIVING IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULD NOT THROW STONES!!!