CONFESSION OF A HOPELESS ROMANTIC!!

To The Girl I Love,

You entered my life like a cold breeze blowing across the sea side, hitting me like a beautiful wave and nothing was ever to be the same again. I saw you come in, like the face of ethereal beauty, untouched and unmarked and I felt a flutter in my heart. I wasn't in love with you then, I couldn't be for I have never believed in the 'love at first sight' formula. Yet seeing those blue cat-like eyes, I knew I could drown in them and hope to never come back. I remembered Akshay Kumar's dialogue in the movie 'Khakee' when he sees Aishwariya Rai-"Ye Aankhein Marwayengi Ek Din" and immediately a smile lit across my face at the thought of it.

I remember those initial few weeks when I hadn't spoken to you yet, when we were still strangers to each other, unknowing of the journey ahead. I would see almost every boy I knew make a beeline for you, try to strike up a conversation with you, hoping to earn your affection in return. That you didn't not only surprised me but also increased my respect for you. Yet I must admit I was a but bemused. "What's so special about her?" I would ask my friends. "I know she is beautiful but is that all that matters?" I would argue with them. How was I to know that there was so much more beyond that beautiful face of yours, that there was a sea of emotions hidded behind those blue cat-like eyes.

And then we were friends. I don't even remember when talking to you had turned into a habit, a habit I couldn't resist, that I couldn't give up. I don't even remember when talking to you had become the best part of my day, the part that I looked forward to the most. I don't even remember when by just seeing you across the hall or just by walking past you in the corridor, a smile would spread across my lips. It wasn't a smile meant for anyone or anything, it was a smileto myself, to my heart, content in the knowledge that I had atleast seen you and thus you were still a part of my life, a part of my heart.

Talking to you, I realised why so many boys had developed a crush on you. The reason went way beyond a beautiful face or blue cat-like eyes. You were a fountain of charming eccentricity, your cheerfulness lighting up every heart that it touched, your laughter so infectious that the trees would have laughed with you if only they could just see or even hear your laughter, your energy so vibrant that it could light up the entire state of Karnataka, your eyes so deep that anyone who saw them and understood them, couldn't help but get lost in its intensity.

It wasn't long before I noticed that I was no longer the same person whenever I was around you. I would behave differently in your company, often to the bewilderment of my friends who couldn't understand this 'different me.' I couldnt' either. I realised that you had started to affect me in ways that no other person in my life, let alone a girl, ever had. My heart would skip a beat whenever I saw you, my eyes would light up with unexplainable cheerfulness at the very sight of you. It was then that I knew I was in danger. That I was beginning to fall for a girl who in every possible way was better than me. I warned my heart from committing this fatal error. Told my heart I couldn't afford to fall in love with you. For if I fell in love with you, then 'ye aankhein marwayengi ek din.'

I guess you can never really warn your heart from falling in love. How much ever you try to, once the preocess begins, there's no holding it back. And so how much ever I tried to resist, the truth was I just couldn't stop thinking of you. Couldn't help but fall in love with you.

Those tears floating from your eyes ripped my heart apart. I saw them, saw you crying and I knew there wasno way back for me from this. I knew I had become a victim of the very same thing that I had been trying to avoid. I knew I had fallen in love with you when I saw those tears. For I wanted to kill the person who had brought those tears to your eyes, I wanted to tear this world apart for letting you cry-I felt an unexlainable hatred for this world and everything in it, hatred for myself, for letting you cry.

I wanted to sit there with you and wipe those tears from your eyes. I wanted to let you know that I would do anything to ensure that those tears never come back, that you never cry again. Whatever the circumstance. I wanted to let you know that I would do anything to make you smile and then keep looking at your angelic smile forever. I wanted to let you know that I loved you.

And yet I didn't. Or I couldn't. But somehow I could never let you know how much I loved you. It remained a secret buried in the deepest corner of my heart, just like my love for you. I don't really know why I couldn't tell you. Maybe because I got nervous at the very thought of telling you, maybe because I was too afraid of a rejection, maybe because you never gave an indication that you felt the same way but somehow my love for you remained unspoken.

And perhaps so shall it remain. For maybe some love stories are never meant to be. Though I will always keep on hoping that one day you will realise my love for you. I don't claim to love you more than life itself. Because you are my life. I don't claim to love you more than anybody else. Because when I am with you, nobody else even matters. All that matters is my love for you and that I am with the person that I love the most in this world.

The irony couldn't be any greater then as I am hiding the biggest secret of my life from the person I claim to love the most-you. But I am afraid that's just how life sometimes is. That I can't even tell the person that I love the most that I love her. That I love you. And it's not as if I haven't tried getting over you. I tried to distance myself from you but somehow I could never forget that innocent face and those beautiful eyes. I tried to stop talking to you but it only reminded me how hopelessy in love I was with you. I thought of being rude to you so that you could hate me but then I had promised myself that I will never hurt you come what may and how much ever pain it may end up causing me.

And so even though it hurts to see you, for my love that remains unexpressed, the truth is I would still to anything to catch a glmpse of you. Even today, just seeing you brings a smile on my face. I live in misery everyday for a love that I had perhaps relinquished even before I thought of pursuing it yet nothing brings me more happiness that the knowledge that I have been and still am in love. In love with you.

And yet I still live in hope. Hope that one day you will finally realise how much I love you. You will realise that I would do anything to make you smile, to keep you happy, to ensure that you never cry again and if you do, then I will be there to wipe those tears from your eyes and bring back that beauiful smile on your lips again. That I would do anything to ensure your happiness, even if it means I can't be with you. And when you realise this, then you will slowly walk towards me, your hair flying in the wind like a cold wave blowing, a smile on your beautiful lips, your angelic face a perfect concoction of surprise and romantic shyness, looking at me with those blue cat-like eyes, dissolving me in them as you would whisper in my ears, "I love you too."

YE AANKHEIN MARWAAYENGI EK DIN!!

P.S.-A totally fictitious account. So give your imagination a rest and don't take your own spin on it. Though a completely heartfelt piece.